A three dimensional life

An acquaintance of mine from the gym was telling me recently that he follows a website (what else?) focusing on longevity, what medical research suggests we do to prolong our life. Based on that site, he was strongly advocating a diet full of omega 3 fatty acids and a lot of vitamin D, a half hour of exercise every day, a good night’s sleep, and some other things I don’t recall.

His recommendations are just one example of internet advice on how to live longer. Here are a few others I found in a brief google search:

• “7 Tips for a Long, Healthy Life”
• “18 Secrets to Living a Longer Life”
• “The 7 Keys to Longevity”
• “What are 5 Ways to Live Longer and Increase Longevity?” (this title deserves an award from the Department of Redundancy Department)
• “Doctors Reveal 7 Strategies They Use Themselves to Live Longer, Healthier Lives”

This sort of on-line guidance goes on and on and on. Although the number five pops up regularly, seven seems to be the most common number for these recommendations. As you might guess, it is not the same seven in every list, although almost all repeat different forms of similar advice: eat healthy foods, don’t smoke, use alcohol in moderation, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, etc. While some of these sites may be legit, I think many are just posts to sell advertising for food additives, nostrums, and books—a contemporary version of the classic American tradition of huckstering.

I generally ignore recommendations like those because I prefer to customize my own life rather than following advice of others, whether a person or an internet site. Certainly, I try to eat healthy foods, drink little, and exercise regularly as a way to be as healthy as am able, but I lack the  intense focus of my acquaintance on longevity, to live as long as possible. It is not because I am tired of life, not at all. Rather it is that I think that length is only one of several measures for life and that the assumption that the longer one lives the better is often wrong.

I was a hospice patient volunteer for three decades, visiting dying people in their homes as well as in nursing facilities. I saw the disheartening emotional, physical, and financial challenges many people face as they age and the burden those challenges often place on families. I went through that with my own parents.

I believe there are other and better measures for life than merely length—that lifespan has more than one dimension. After all, the word “span” came into English as a measure of width not length—the width between the thumb and little finger of an outstretched hand. The idea of width as an additional measure of life fits a couple of phrases I have used for years: “Life may be short, but it also wide.” “The width of life is as important as the length.”

A wide life would mean engaging with the larger world—with other people individually and in groups, and with the natural world. While the length of life is marked in years, width would be indicated by things like the number of one’s friends and close acquaintances, the variety of activities in one’s day, curiosity and an openness to new ideas, and engaging in and appreciating the wonder of the natural world.

Although the idea that the width of life is as important as the length makes sense, I wonder if I am thinking too narrowly, that perhaps there is a third dimension, as well. By proposing that there are three measures to a well-lived life, I don’t want to fall into the numbers trap as far as rules, steps, tips, paths, etc. I will leave that to self-help gurus and their ilk who are trying to peddle their own version of truth. My point is that I think there is a more accurate assessment for life than just its length in years or its width indicated by being aware of and engaged with the world. Extending the idea of length and width to a third dimension, “depth” would be an appropriate term. It fits not just geometrically but psychologically, as well, because depth is a metaphor often applied to thoughts or emotions. For example, we say that a person has deep knowledge of a subject or is a deep thinker, or someone might be considered as having deep feelings about something or another person. Building on the emotional connotations of that metaphor, I suggest that a life of depth would mean accepting and being respectful of others and acting on the inherent obligation we each have toward them.

In philosophical discussions about life, the idea of having a “good life” comes up. That term certainly connotes more than just how long one lives. I think the concepts implied in “width” and “depth” get at qualities which seem to be appropriate measures of a good life, one well lived. Just as with ways to live longer, the internet is full of advice on how to live, what comprises a good life, what gives life meaning, the purpose of life, etc. Although width and depth lack the quantitative measure that length does, they nevertheless capture the important aspects of a good life. Looking at two extremes makes this clear. On one hand is a person who lives to eighty or more and who is a narcissistic, greedy, disrespectful bully whose lifelong goal is the pursuit of power and money. In contrast, would be a person who dies as 60 having led a life in which he or she connected with many people, helped others, and had a career that served the community but did not pay well or offer any sort of power or fame. Which one had a “good” life? Both? Neither? Does it matter? I think it does.

Immersed in our comfortable existence and the tenuous delusion of wellbeing, we forget or ignore that the world is far from ideal and that in the end, we die without fanfare and often in pain. Fate is fickle, and all too often the good guys lose out to the bad ones, while in the meantime there is no one, no sorcerer or fairy god mother, to save us from either our foolishness or merely the vagaries of fate. Given this reality, whether life has one dimension, or two or three, all any of us can do is just try to listen to the better angels of our nature and strive to make our life full of gentleness and good humor irrespective of the path we follow. The challenge in this hard-edged, impersonal, monetized world is to be empathetic, even vulnerable, to connect with others in a sense of community rather than view them as mere objects. Doing that is the key to living a three dimensional life.